November 30, 2009

can you hear me?

i didn't have to work today. in fact work has been tremendously slow lately. not just because of thanksgiving, but because there isn't any work. seems like it's feast or famine with this company and the feasts are more like a dinner at olive garden with free breadsticks. or a buffet line filled with carrots. i like carrots, but not all you can eat carrots. the famine, however is more like a drought where the money trees whither and die and you have to replant them all over again next season. im currently looking for a different job. who knows what will come along, but as long as i get more hours i'll be happy.

days like today are the worst. waiting for the day's end inside these steel bars that are my thoughts. when its finally time for bed you can't sleep. so you just lie there wrapped up like a burrito hoping your brain gives out.

i have to drive 2 1/2 hrs to work tomorrow. im afraid of the alone time i'll have to spend in my truck. lately i've been driving around without the radio on. the silence is like going on a trip with someone you haven't talked to in a long time, and the last time you spoke was an argument. just the fact that you are in the same vehicle is a miracle, but you'd do anything to break the tension. at least i'll have my thoughts, right? like a road trip with that person you don't give a shit about but wont shut up. i have no doubt that i will not find joy in my job tomorrow. things will go badly and i'll hate the fact that i even woke up at all. eh... fuck it.

"Another Lonely Day" - ben harper

Yes indeed, I'm alone again.
And here comes emptiness crashing in.
It's either love or hate,
I can't find in between,
'cause I've been with witches and I've been with a queen.

It wouldn't have worked out anyway.
So now it's just another lonely day.
Further along we just may.
But for now it's just another lonely day.