November 10, 2010

how do YOU know?

if i can only name one thing that will most likely kill me, it would be uncertainty. i've never known what i wanted to do with my life and have always felt inferior to my friends who seem to be heading in a certain direction. how did they decide they wanted to be a fire fighter, EMT, cop, pastor, chiropractor, marine biologist and so on. what if they got it wrong? do they simply stick with it and make it work because that's what they chose?

"Oh well, i don't have an option now, i have to just stick with it."

i fear that feeling. feeling trapped in my own decision when in reality i am trapped in the LACK of a decision. it binds my hands and feet every day. i dwell on an idea for a short time and begin to develop reason after reason for why i should not make that choice.


most of my friends new exactly what they wanted to do when they were still in high school. they were progressing in certain classes because those would help in the field they chose. i just wanted school to be over. it was the worst time of my life so far. HANDS DOWN! high school didn't prepare me for anything. what a complete waste of my time and my parents money.


it's time to "shit or get off the pot". i'm going to roll the dice and do something drastic. i can no longer sit around and wait for the "RIGHT DECISION" to pop into my head. i have to do it. even if i do make a decision, and the "shit hits the fan", oh well!


i've never been more uncertain about anything in life then my career.... and i hate it. i truly, hate it. i cannot say it enough. i am so frustrated. it can work me to tears sometimes.

stupid life.... i hate the inevitable parts of you.