June 16, 2011

...bigger and better?


transitions can be fantastic.  many times in life when we are going through transitions we are changing for the better.  we have decided to leave behind a certain people, place or lifestyle for our betterment.  maybe a relationship that has lost it's glitz and glamour or simply our daily regiment of: wake up, shower, shoes, breakfast, work, home, dinner, tv, sleep etc.

transitions can be terrifying at the same time.  as we walk out of that relationship we sometimes fear if we threw away something special.  as we change our daily regiment to: wake up, breakfast, workout, shower, shoes, work, home, workout, dinner, family time, sleep, we fear that we won't hold to it.

a few weeks ago i met up with an old friend.  we used to be best friends and played in Semper-Fi together.  we did the typical 'catching up' talk.  he asked what i did for work and if i was happy.  i responded with, "im..... content."  and he said, "that's not what i asked.  are you happy?"  so i obviously replied, "no."  he proceeded to tell me about a job opportunity that he had been offered and turned down.  explained a bit about it and asked if i were interested.  i asked him to get me more info.

the next day i got a call from a guy who wanted to explain the job offer to me.
two days later i went and visited the company and discussed some major details.
a week later i called and told him i would like to accept the job.

which puts me right smack dab in the middle of a major transition.  
a great opportunity? yes! but a frightening one at the same time.  

i am currently still working at my old job and spending random days at the new job going over different things.  this is very awkward and i wouldn't recommend it to anyone.  i wanted to give my old job as much time as possible to train and fill my position.  plus i would like to keep making money until i can start working at the new job full time in July.

the new job will be exciting.  i am very psyched about it.  i will be flying around the continental U.S. as the head a/v technician for Jackson-Dawson.  they put on events/shows for different things.  my first tour will be informative presentations for the Chevy Volt.  i will be traveling with 8-10 individuals and making these events happen flawlessly.  my new bosses are very nice and seem to have a good amount of common sense. (something my old boss seemed to lack greatly)  i have a feeling i could get used to this.

however, i still have my doubts.

what if things don't work out for some reason?  i mean, there are always chances for something to happen, right?  what if i don't "cut it"?  what if i do very well and the person above me feels threatened and wants to cut me loose?  what if i crash in a plane?  (this seriously crossed my mind)  i will be flying to three different places a month.  philly, l.a., phoenix, denver, minneapolis....

i've never been the risk taker in life for fear that shit will go sour and i'll be known as the guy who screwed up royally.  

i was watching a movie the other day and a few lines in the dialogue really jumped out at me.  the lead character was always known as a smart guy who graduated M.I.T. and was working at a movie rental store.  he never knew what he wanted to do for fear he would screw up.  he had a break-down moment while talking to his father and said, "im sorry... im sorry, im your only son... the failure!"  and his dad said, "no son, you aren't a failure at all.  because to be a failure you have to make an attempt at something.  but you haven't even done that.  you aren't even a failure... you're... worse than that."  putting aside the satire, this scene really hit me... hard.  

i can't even be a failure unless i try.
so im.......  a nothing.

this transition is me taking a step.  even if it is the wrong one in the end.  

at least im stepping toward something.