November 22, 2010

water


lets go down to the water

lets all go down and pray

lets go down to the water

lets all go down and pray

well, there's blood in that water, that'll wash your sorrows away


lets go down to the water

and drink all that we can

lets go down to that water

and drink all that we can

you'll get drunk on that water, and come out a better man


lets go down to the water

lets all go there to drown

lets go down to the water

lets all go there to drown

you'll feel alive in that water, as you're sinking down


lets go down to the water

lets all go down to die

lets go down to the water

lets all go down to die

lets go down to that water, and kiss this dry life goodbye.


an old friend came to visit today.






lately i have been haunted by an old friend who is uglier than any monster in a movie or under your bed.

he never comes to visit me alone. he always seems to be hanging out with one of his two best friends and always over stays his welcome. he can show up anywhere at any time. his uncanny ability to drop in and ruin a good time is truly something. during his stay with me he keeps me up at night talking about all the decisions i've made in the past. he constantly nags me about each one because he knows them intimately. he should, he was there for every single experience. he likes to see me cry.


a horrible friend Frustration is.


November 16, 2010

Let Us Down Easy, Lord





in all my life, mercy
hasn't known my name this well
like how every sea filters out
and leads us gently to a creek
we sit around

some of us are strong
but the rest of us are weak
so let us down
but if you must

let us down easy lord
let us down easy lord
let us down

in patches of pink clouds, thick smoke
it comes rising off them hillside slopes
down here in this neighborhood
it's the dumps
with cars iced up, perfect for writing on if
you're wearing gloves

every season i spend alone
feels like a thousand to my heart and in my soul
so let me down if you must

but let us down
easy lord, let us down easy
lord if you let us down

instead of praying i tell god these jokes
he must be tired of himself so much
he must be more than disappointed christmas comes we eat alone
a pretty smile surrounds a pretty girl
who takes your order she yells it and cries alone in
the backroom once in a while until it stops
so let her down easy if you must

but let her down easy

some of us are strong
but the rest of us are weak
and go it alone
so let us down easy if you must
but let us down easy, lord
let us down easy lord, let us down
let us down, easy

Ryan Adams and the Cardinals
"Let Us Down Easy"
Cardinology

November 10, 2010

how do YOU know?


if i can only name one thing that will most likely kill me, it would be uncertainty. i've never known what i wanted to do with my life and have always felt inferior to my friends who seem to be heading in a certain direction. how did they decide they wanted to be a fire fighter, EMT, cop, pastor, chiropractor, marine biologist and so on. what if they got it wrong? do they simply stick with it and make it work because that's what they chose?

"Oh well, i don't have an option now, i have to just stick with it."

i fear that feeling. feeling trapped in my own decision when in reality i am trapped in the LACK of a decision. it binds my hands and feet every day. i dwell on an idea for a short time and begin to develop reason after reason for why i should not make that choice.

HOW DO YOU JUST DECIDE?

most of my friends new exactly what they wanted to do when they were still in high school. they were progressing in certain classes because those would help in the field they chose. i just wanted school to be over. it was the worst time of my life so far. HANDS DOWN! high school didn't prepare me for anything. what a complete waste of my time and my parents money.

WELL THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

it's time to "shit or get off the pot". i'm going to roll the dice and do something drastic. i can no longer sit around and wait for the "RIGHT DECISION" to pop into my head. i have to do it. even if i do make a decision, and the "shit hits the fan", oh well!

.......AT LEAST I TRIED SOMETHING!

i've never been more uncertain about anything in life then my career.... and i hate it. i truly, hate it. i cannot say it enough. i am so frustrated. it can work me to tears sometimes.

stupid life.... i hate the inevitable parts of you.