January 10, 2010

i hate...

i hate myself. i hate the decisions i've made. i hate how i look. i hate the fact that i hate myself. i hate that i smoke. i hate that i didn't know what i wanted to do with my life until just recently. i hate that i am not 100% sure if thats what i want to do for a career. i hate that i never took voice lessons. i hate that i can't afford the music stuff i want. i hate michigan winters. i hate that i have white hairs. i hate going to sleep alone every night. i hate not being happy. i hate feeling like an unaccomplished loser. i hate to talk to people who have their lives 'together'. i hate crying. i hate not having a family. i hate how much time i've wasted. i hate how i know i'll waste even more year after year. i hate that i'd rather play a video game instead of read a book. i hate that i have to learn by doing, instead of just thinking. i hate that i feel i am stupid. i hate getting up in the morning. i hate that i dread going to bed because then the morning gets here faster. i hate being tired all day because i stay up too late. i hate that i can't figure out a way to be or come up with "the next big idea or thing" and make money just by being or doing that. i hate looking in the mirror. i hate my clothes. i hate that i can't be organized no matter how hard i try or pretend i am. i hate that i let people down. i hate that im stubborn. i hate .......