November 10, 2011
October 28, 2011
i love sleeping. there are many nights where i don't sleep very well even though i am tired and worn out from the day's activities. other days i can sleep in for hours and wake up feeling more tired than i did when i fell asleep. falling asleep with someone in my arms is one of the best feelings in the world. breathing rhythmically as we fall asleep and waking up hoping the other person doesn't smell our breath before we brush.
now i'd like you to think about some of the dreams you have had throughout your life. we all have those weird ones that we have remembered over the years because they were so abstract. maybe you remember dreams that involved significant people in your life. have you ever had a dream about someone who has passed away? it is very interesting to experience a dream like that. most of my dreams of passed family members are as if they were simply in the background and i have had a few where they have talked to me about something. waking up was a weird feeling. i have laid in bed for an hour after waking up, simply trying to remember the entire conversation in the dream and interpreting what it meant. it is quite interesting to say the least.
what about a recurring dream? stop reading for a second and think about what it was, who or what was in it and where it takes place. now don't go assuming im a dream interpreter or that i follow all of that stuff, however i do believe that our minds are very complex and capable of great things. when we are asleep our minds are free to roam and explore the infinity that is our imagination.
i had looked up many interpretations of dreams involving spiders and apparently there are quite a lot of people who have spider dreams and even recurring spider dreams. most of the websites out there say that a dream about spiders on your body mean that there is a strong fear in your life at the moment. when the spider is on your face it shows that you are feeling complacent and afraid of making big changes in life.
October 27, 2011
i have always had the idea that i have surrounded myself with trustworthy people. i put up plenty of barriers between others and myself and don't really need another reason to put up more. these walls have caused many hard times in my relationships with girls as well. i am a frustrating individual. i know that. that is why it means SO much when i allow you beyond those walls. it is quite the risk for me. it's like a roll of the dice with the rest of your money on the line. i don't want people to be able to shake my world up, i don't want them to have that power, that control over me. it scares me to be honest with you. i only have one heart and would prefer it to stay in one piece for as long as possible.
i always thought that i chose decent girls to date. in fact i don't just let anyone into my life. sure i have many female acquaintances but very few who REALLY know me emotionally. being vulnerable scares me. so girls, if you ever get beyond my emotional walls it means i truly trust you.
several weeks ago i discovered that my best friend of nine years had slept with my ex-girlfriend (while we were dating). a friend of mine had told me a few things to watch out for and i denied it and defended my best friend. because that's what best friends do. even though this person had a pretty valid point i stuck up for my best friend and said that i would trust him with my life. because that's what best friends do. a few weeks had passed and i had this feeling in my stomach. i just knew something was weird so i asked my ex-girlfriend over chat, and it all came out in the wash. i confronted my ex-best friend over text (for fear of going to jail for assault if i saw him in person). sure enough, he admitted to it. he kept apologizing saying, "it was an addiction that i kicked in july. i can honestly say i am free from it." i wasn't aware that betrayal was an addiction. nine years of my life wasted on someone who would betray me for a few "rounds" with my girlfriend at the time. not to mention my girlfriend... classy dame she turned out to be. young and stupid i guess. ugh.... it sucks because even though we weren't dating i still cared for her as a person. not so much any more. that's just something i never thought would happen to me. my girlfriend cheating? that would never happen to me! my best friend betraying me? that would never happen to me! both of them happening at the same time???? HA!
well thank you ex-best friend and ex-girlfriend for strengthening my emotional barriers THAT much more. thank you for making it THAT much more difficult for the next girlfriend and friends who have to work even harder to gain my trust. thank you for showing me that those closest to me can't be trusted at all.
wednesday morning i flew from pittsburgh to chicago and i slept most of the flight. well, all except for the five minutes i was fighting tears while the thought of losing my best friend this way haunted my mind. it is not as frequent as it used to be but im not sure it will ever go away. i've never been so broken as i was that day. it just hurt. i am moving on. i have forgiven both of them but removed them from my life. i don't care what they are doing these days or for the rest of their lives. i hope i never see them again and wish we didn't have the same friends.
i truly have lost most of my trust in other people. sorry if i come off rude or cold.... that's just the way it will be for a while.
thanks, friend... thanks for wasting nine years of my life.
September 18, 2011
September 12, 2011
September 9, 2011
thoughts collide like bumper cars and slowly burn away.
and when the smoke clears... who are you now?
steal away like thief in night with my emotions in tow.
and when the fuel is gone... where are you now?
cut me down with every word and send me on my way.
and when the blood dries... what are you now?
September 8, 2011
August 19, 2011
July 26, 2011
This was uploaded on my HTC EVO using the Blogger app. Let's see how good it is.
Friday afternoon most of the team had flown in to Tacoma and settled in. A handful of us decided to grab some lunch before heading into downtown Seattle to enjoy the night. Since we didn't have to set up till Sunday, we definitely took advantage of the night. Seattle is nice if you enjoy the "city vibe". Many late night venues cater to the swarms of youngins looking to drink, dance and demoralize themselves. Overall the people are nice. Saturday I slept in and took it easy. I meandered around the hotel and walked up and down the street to see what was around and get a lil exercise. I definitely miss mountain biking and will be hitting the trails much harder than I was before. I am trying to figure out a way to get a guitar on the tour with me. I was told it can ride in the semi truck and now I want to see if my bike can come along too! (fingers crossed)
Set up on Sunday went VERY well. At 7:30am we started to unload the truck and set everything up. We were done by noon. This is quite impressive and I must give credit to the awesome team I get to work with. These people work hard and get it done. On my end, set up of the audio/visual stuff went quickly because I am familiar with everything now. All the equipment is right where I left it and I expedited the set up by leaving a bunch of stuff inside the home audio rack connected. After set up was complete I asked the producer how I have been doing and he said, "EXCELLENT! Better than I expected!" That made my day! I have been working hard and being a team player as much as possible. Glad to see it getting noticed. We chatted further and he had mentioned that before he was promoted out of the position I now hold, he was making 80K a year for a handful of years. My plan is to make that much within 10yrs of being here. LET'S DO THIS!
Yesterday was the first day of presentations and time seemed to go by quickly. Four of us decided to hit up a seafood restaurant for dinner, so we quickly changed at the hotel and departed. The food was fantastic. I'm pretty sure we all four went back to the hotel and went to bed early.
This morning I woke up around 5am and got ready. I then made my way down to the hotel lobby and waited for the breakfast area to open. Hotel breakfasts aren't that good, but it's something, and it's free. After eating and departing the hotel we arrived at the Tacoma Dome where the convention is being held. They are building a really cool looking museum right next to the dome. It will be interesting to come back here and walk through the museum at some point.
As I was prepping for the day I overheard one of the presenters talking to my producer about something that peaked my interest. The conversation was about suicide and I had caught the end of it. I politely asked who the presenter was talking about and he said, "my younger brother." The comparison of his situation to my family's was scary. We were soon lost in deep conversation about the mourning process and how other people sometimes avoid you when they hear the word suicide. He put it like, "It's weird when some people learn of a suicide in your family. They avoid you almost as if they don't want to get a disease." I can relate to his comment. Sometimes, however it goes the other way and someone decides to explain to you how stupid and selfish that person was for making that decision. blah blah blah.... Back to my point. You never know what someone else is going through and how much you might have in common. It was great to talk to him about his situation and get to know him on a level other than the show.
I am currently in the middle of our afternoon show and will be working a third show from 6pm-8pm regarding roadside assistance for the Chevy Volt.
July 19, 2011
July 12, 2011
i feel MUCH more prepared now than i ever have. i feel that i can now make my production flow smoothly.
i have not been sleeping very well for some reason and today it all finally caught up with me. thank god we had a short day and were able to return to our hotel rooms at 4:30pm. i decided to take a two hour nap. it is now 12:39am tuesday morning and i am about to go to bed.
tomorrow i will be assisting the lead engineer during the show. lets hope everything goes smoothly.
July 11, 2011
July 10, 2011
I decided to enjoy the 2 weeks prior to leaving for Philadelphia for the new job. I had a fantastic time hanging out with a bunch of friends, going to a Tiger's game, bonfires, mountain biking and a whole bunch of other things. I am going to miss all of that while I am away. However I will be keeping you all up to date on what is happening while I am on the road... er in the air. So hold on tight, cuz here we go!
I started my trip off just like every other excursion I've ever endeavored with last minute packing. I literally took clothes out of the dryer, folded them, put them in the suitcase and walked out the door. I forgot nail clippers. It took me 35 minutes to drive to the airport and another 35 to check in, go through security and get to my gate. I'm a pro at this traveling stuff. We boarded the plane and waited.. and waited. Ends up some of our baggage hadn't been loaded yet and the pilot kept apologizing over the PA. "Sorry folks, this is not acceptable. I would encourage you to send some emails to Delta voicing any frustration with the delay." So that's what I am going to do. Maybe I can get something out of it. We finally took off and the flight was nice and problem free. well.. almost.
The girl seated at my right was wearing long jean shorts and I quickly noticed her leg hairs were longer than mine. This was gross. Especially because plane seating is tight and I'm a big guy.
I landed and quickly made my way to the baggage claim to find my suitcase on the belt right then. Perfect. I was set to go. Shuttle to the rental car place, drive off in a brand new Impala with Betsy. Betsy is a very nice woman whom I'll be working with for a few days. After a 45min drive we arrived at the Holiday Inn Express in King of Prussia, PA. This is a nice hotel. I have my own suite with two large HD LCD tvs, couch, table, fridge, and two air conditioners. I can get used to this. The entire team is staying at the same hotel so it is easy to get to know everyone. Everyone decided to go grab a quick bite, however the only place in walking distance was Hooters. gross. The food is NOT good and I'm not much for the..."scenery". I ordered carry-out and spent the last couple hours in the hotel room getting settled in.
I have to be down in the hotel lobby at 6:45am to meet up with everyone and head to the production site. My team will be unloading all the trucks and getting all of the gear opened and start setting up. I will be assisting the head a/v tech for the next few days. Pilot show is this Tuesday!
I will be updating my blog every night of my tour.
June 16, 2011
transitions can be fantastic. many times in life when we are going through transitions we are changing for the better. we have decided to leave behind a certain people, place or lifestyle for our betterment. maybe a relationship that has lost it's glitz and glamour or simply our daily regiment of: wake up, shower, shoes, breakfast, work, home, dinner, tv, sleep etc.
transitions can be terrifying at the same time. as we walk out of that relationship we sometimes fear if we threw away something special. as we change our daily regiment to: wake up, breakfast, workout, shower, shoes, work, home, workout, dinner, family time, sleep, we fear that we won't hold to it.
a few weeks ago i met up with an old friend. we used to be best friends and played in Semper-Fi together. we did the typical 'catching up' talk. he asked what i did for work and if i was happy. i responded with, "im..... content." and he said, "that's not what i asked. are you happy?" so i obviously replied, "no." he proceeded to tell me about a job opportunity that he had been offered and turned down. explained a bit about it and asked if i were interested. i asked him to get me more info.
the next day i got a call from a guy who wanted to explain the job offer to me.
two days later i went and visited the company and discussed some major details.
a week later i called and told him i would like to accept the job.
i am currently still working at my old job and spending random days at the new job going over different things. this is very awkward and i wouldn't recommend it to anyone. i wanted to give my old job as much time as possible to train and fill my position. plus i would like to keep making money until i can start working at the new job full time in July.
the new job will be exciting. i am very psyched about it. i will be flying around the continental U.S. as the head a/v technician for Jackson-Dawson. they put on events/shows for different things. my first tour will be informative presentations for the Chevy Volt. i will be traveling with 8-10 individuals and making these events happen flawlessly. my new bosses are very nice and seem to have a good amount of common sense. (something my old boss seemed to lack greatly) i have a feeling i could get used to this.
what if things don't work out for some reason? i mean, there are always chances for something to happen, right? what if i don't "cut it"? what if i do very well and the person above me feels threatened and wants to cut me loose? what if i crash in a plane? (this seriously crossed my mind) i will be flying to three different places a month. philly, l.a., phoenix, denver, minneapolis....
March 13, 2011
this is in response to a friend's post found HERE - by: Kristen Cristino
Kristen started off asking how women have become the ones to court men instead of the old fashioned, other way around. i personally feel that this has changed over time with the feminist movements. i am not sexist in any way and hope that this text truly reveals my point. the feminist movement is good in few ways and harmful in many areas that people don't think of first hand. you can't demand a "level playing field" and be upset that males aren't still holding up their end as they did before. remember for every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction. it's either one way, or the other. there is no way to have it both ways in this world so let us take a second to delve into this thought.
i'll start off saying that there will always be prejudice individuals. no matter what. just like there will always be thieves and liars. it is the evil nature that some people cannot overcome. i am, in no way, excusing this behavior.
the uproar for females to be treated the same as males is silly. not because women are inferior but because they simply play different roles in life that men can't. just the same as men play certain roles that women cannot. we are not designed with the same physical characteristics nor thought processes.
now that women have cried out for "equal" rights and are being accepted as men are in certain situations they get confused. no longer are the lines or boundaries defining the roles of a man or a woman.
GIRL POWER is a term that makes me laugh sometimes. i think it's funny when a girl thinks that she can physically out perform a male. now i know there are exceptions to every situation or rule, however lets keep it simple and stay with majorities here. girls are physically weaker than men. so what POWER are the girls claiming? im sorry girls but there are things you just can not do. AND THAT'S OKAY! it isn't what you are designed to do. it goes the same for the opposite side as well. so don't feel like im attempting to suppress your accomplishments.
back to the power thing. i think it is more so respect than power that you desire. respect and recognition. there is nothing wrong with respect and recognition however, both of those things are earned and requested, not demanded.
moving forward. you are finally brought up to the same "level" as men. you are a strong independent woman. you don't need a man to do anything for you except open the new jar of peanut butter.
(this really happened to me. the girl who lived in the neighboring condo knocked on my door and asked if i could open the peanut butter for her. i did so and felt like a hero because i am a silly, strong, doofus of a man.)
lets take a look at it from a male's perspective. hold on, it gets confusing from this side. we have to guess how to handle certain situations. we want to do the manly thing but at the same time wonder if we are going to get told off by a strong independent woman. holding the door for a girl is a nice gesture. so why bite our heads off by having the attitude of, "i don't NEED a man to do this for me. i can open my own damn door!".
im all about the old fashioned courting methods. if a girl that i had been seriously dating asked me to marry her.... i would be weirded out. that is MY job as a man. to nervously request for her hand in marriage. to get down on one knee and lower myself below her, showing her respect and love.
i agree that the days of proper courtship have long gone, but lets dig to the root of the problem and decide to not make those mistakes again. you can't have it both ways so stop trying to get it. let's fully think about the repercussions of things that we want to change. we are too short sighted and it hurts us in the long run.
the main entry door to the shop i work in has been broken since we opened a year ago. i finally received the go-ahead to purchase a new lock mechanism and swap out the old one. this past friday, while sitting on a five gallon bucket of motor oil, i repaired the lockset. while doing so a truck driver walked by and said, "so you're a maintenance man too, eh?" "nope." i replied. "i am the shop supervisor. this just really needs to be done right now." and he returned with, "so you're a jack of all trades and a master of none." and continued into the shop.