December 2, 2009

this is Sparta, MI.

i had received an assignment to work a case that i had done before in Sparta, MI. in perfect conditions the drive one way is 2.5 hrs. so i set my alarm for 7am so i'd be on the road by 7:15am and arrive shortly before 10am.

walking out the front door to my condo i remembered that my assignment said:
Start Time - 9:00am.


the first 40 minutes of my sojourn were the worst. stop n go on 696. had to stop for gas and walked into the station. heading straight for the 2 hr old pots of coffee i heard a soft voice, "good morning!" i looked over my shoulder and threw out a, "good morning to...... you..." there was no one around. pouring a cup of crazy i began to think i was going coffee. on approaching the counter i found her sitting on the floor behind the register. the attendant that is. young, lively, glasses, pony tail, and a smile. paid for my dark roast and fuel and continued on my way.

i hope Melissa had a nice day... i think she did.

feeling badly about myself for running late i called into headquarters. the start time on the assignment was incorrect. it was supposed to say 10am. i arrive on site at 10am and begin the waiting game. 8 hrs later my waiting is over. yes... i sat in one spot in my truck watching the front door to a house for 8 hrs straight. i think you either have to be SUPER patient for this job, or just straight up coffee. the sky now the color of my dark roast as i begin my trip back home. things were just dandy, until it started to rain and drivers got stupid. why does logic leave when the bad weather comes?

its as if people accidentally turn on the "idiot" while looking for the wipers controls.

decided to call mom. talked about a few important things and got me thinking again. i absolutely love my mom and do not blame the following on her whatsoever.

a phrase i've been hearing a lot lately. well, maybe its not that i hear it more than usual but just that i've been noticing it even more lately. "i live life with no regrets." if you don't regret anything you've ever done then you must be a perfect human being putting Mother Teresa to shame. either that or you are one of those spoiled brats on Mtv's "Sweet Sixteen" who think their poop should have its own rolls royce for smelling so good. if you have a soul, you have regrets. if you have any feelings at all, you have regrets. if you are human, you should have at least one moment where you should have reacted, acted, decided, or said something different.

regrets are like an arranged marriage,
you didn't want them but they are here to stay
and you have to learn to live with them.

i have several things i regret. not trivial things like, "man, i really regret getting extra beans in my burrito!" i mean with big things. regrets have been the fulcrum of my frequent frustration. "mike, are you still there?" mom asked over the phone, because i had suddenly become very sad again and hadn't said anything for a while. i quickly ended the conversation. where is the line that separates "do better next time" from "the damage is done, you're screwed"? i have a hard time knowing how to organize my regrets into the "lesson learned" bin and have a surplus of "lesson over" bins.

my regrets haunt me like the monster under my bed.

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