Let Us Down Easy, Lord

(right click - open in new tab or window - read while listening)

in all my life, mercy
hasn't known my name this well
like how every sea filters out
and leads us gently to a creek
we sit around

some of us are strong
but the rest of us are weak
so let us down
but if you must

let us down easy lord
let us down easy lord
let us down

in patches of pink clouds, thick smoke
it comes rising off them hillside slopes
down here in this neighborhood
it's the dumps
with cars iced up, perfect for writing on if
you're wearing gloves

every season i spend alone
feels like a thousand to my heart and in my soul
so let me down if you must

but let us down
easy lord, let us down easy
lord if you let us down

instead of praying i tell god these jokes

he must be tired of himself so much

he must be more than disappointed christmas comes we eat alone

a pretty smile surrounds a pretty girl

who takes your order she yells it and cries alone in
the backroom once in a while until it stops
so let her down easy if you must

but let her down easy

some of us are strong
but the rest of us are weak
and go it alone
so let us down easy if you must
but let us down easy, lord
let us down easy lord, let us down
let us down, easy

Ryan Adams and the Cardinals

"Let Us Down Easy"

Cardinology

how do YOU know?

if i can only name one thing that will most likely kill me, it would be uncertainty. i've never known what i wanted to do with my life and have always felt inferior to my friends who seem to be heading in a certain direction. how did they decide they wanted to be a fire fighter, EMT, cop, pastor, chiropractor, marine biologist and so on. what if they got it wrong? do they simply stick with it and make it work because that's what they chose?

"Oh well, i don't have an option now, i have to just stick with it."

i fear that feeling. feeling trapped in my own decision when in reality i am trapped in the LACK of a decision. it binds my hands and feet every day. i dwell on an idea for a short time and begin to develop reason after reason for why i should not make that choice.

HOW DO YOU JUST DECIDE?

most of my friends new exactly what they wanted to do when they were still in high school. they were progressing in certain classes because those would help in the field they chose. i just wanted school to be over. it was the worst time of my life so far. HANDS DOWN! high school didn't prepare me for anything. what a complete waste of my time and my parents money.

WELL THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD ENOUGH!

it's time to "shit or get off the pot". i'm going to roll the dice and do something drastic. i can no longer sit around and wait for the "RIGHT DECISION" to pop into my head. i have to do it. even if i do make a decision, and the "shit hits the fan", oh well!

.......AT LEAST I TRIED SOMETHING!

i've never been more uncertain about anything in life then my career.... and i hate it. i truly, hate it. i cannot say it enough. i am so frustrated. it can work me to tears sometimes.

stupid life.... i hate the inevitable parts of you.

go big or go home

i know you loved her more than anything. i know you wanted her life to be as amazing at it could be. i know that you struggled. i know that you fought.

i know that you lost..... but at least you fought.

i thought about you last night.

i fought for you last night.

i cried for you last night.

in a normal state of mind i will never understand. how idiotic for someone to say your actions were selfish. they obviously didn't know you. even though those of us who were close to you know you were acting selflessly, we still wish you were here fighting...

one thing i kept hearing during the Out of the Darkness walk was "Go big or go home!... thats what Jamie would have said!" it finally hit me...

you felt like you could no longer go big, so you went home.

btw, i used a head-light all weekend while camping in memory of you and i now have a sheetz mug too... but only one.

-h.e.a.r.t-

take my heart from me it's broken anyway

i've never longed for something so much as i did you

my love was like a letter stamped and mailed return to sender

because dreams never do come true

than thou

your judging eyes fall like dust at feet

my shoes of freedom tread

shower me with hateful speech

my umbrella strong held over head

your actions soar like pointed darts

thrown carelessly into night

my barrier of steel and brawn

holds strong, firm and right

your thoughts have pierced the side of soul

warm blood drips down the shank

your hands and fingers strewn with splinters

from the tussle with your plank

get loud.

i just got home from band practice and still feel like crap. i've been coughing for the last two days and haven't been sleeping well. although i have been able to catch up on a few movies i've wanted to watch. like "It Might Get Loud" with Jack White, Jimmy Page and The Edge.

it was quite intriguing to see the three different backgrounds and how each guitarist had developed their sound through different inspirations. the opening scene is one of my favorites in the entire documentary. Jack White is on the porch of an old farmhouse with several boards, nails, coke bottle and an amplifier. he hammers two nails into a small 2x4, one at each end and stretches a wire between them. he then nails a small block under the string and wedges the coke bottle under the string and against one of the nails. one more nail to hold the pickup in place and its time to plug it in. the amplifier hums once it is clicked on and Jack begins to play slide on a single stringed 2x4. after several licks he takes a drag from his cigarette and clicks off the amp and says, "who says you need to buy a guitar?" (click here to watch vid)

Jack White is all about bare bones music. don't let the instruments get in the way of the feeling. where as The Edge, from the band U2, is enveloped in how much he can manipulate a guitar tone to be exactly what he wants. Not saying either one is better than the other or even that one is right and one wrong. however i find myself more so in agreement with Jack White. how much feeling can your music portray with simply the bare necessities? i think we can get lost in the production of it all and drown the emotion of the song.

take a deep breath

there have been many changes lately. some for better, some not. i recently started a new job at Clean Tide Container in Clarkston, MI. basic shop work. however i am in a decent position. don't make a whole lot of money and come home exhausted each night. i basically make sure everything and everybody on the floor work properly. if numbers don't get met by the end of the day... my ass is on the line. most of the day im on the fork truck unloading/loading trucks and organizing the flow of the shop. my boss is a bit frustrating. he has some different ideas that come out of left field. i try to keep him grounded as much as possible. the vice president comes by every once and a while and i can tell he is happy i am there. (because he told me that) we think in the same way. there is a promising long-term future here.... however im not sure i want JUST this. i want more from life. i want to do something greater. i want to feel more satisfaction at the end of the day. at least i have my music.